I want to feel better

I just don't know how to.

4:27 A.M.

Not sure how often I'm supposed to blog. As much or as little as I want or whenever something I feel I need to put into type pops in my head??  Anyway, the last two weeks have been a real struggle. Depression is no fun.  Hopefully things will start getting better. Thankful for my husband...my rock. Don't know what I'd do without him.  It's supposed to be a beautiful day today and regardless of how sleep deprived I am, I will not lay in this bed past 8 a.m.!!  I have a lot of things planned!  Oh if the work week was two days and the weekend was five!! Even if we could just have that one time a month, wouldn't that be awesome??  Well, whoever reads this thank you.  I desire your comments.  I have so much to say but for right now it's just "Good Morning and Good Night".

First things first

Not sure why I decided to start a blog. Perhaps just to get out what's inside of my head and make sense of it all. I just turned 41. Man. It hurts to see that in type.  Anyway, when it comes to family...I don't feel my age. I still feel five. I don't know why but for some reason and I have no real clear memories but when I was five years old, I felt as if everything in the world was ok. I was the baby of six siblings and my mom and dad were in their prime. I'm married now, I have two children and a grandson. My kids can make me feel like I'm five too but its a  whole different sensation, almost scary at times. As far as my other family, being five is a good thing almost. I'm treated like an adult up until certain situations.  I'm still the one that is the last to know almost everything that happens in the family.  I'm 5. I have zero control of what's going on. I'm pacified most of the time and yet lead to believe that my adult opinion counts. Yeah, Right.  Now that my Dad has been gone for almost two years and my mommy has Alzheimer's, how am I supposed to NOT feel five anymore?